Team Piraña

by admin on February 22, 2008

T3 (captain)

feb 15
diet coke & vodka
dream race:
kona ironman
born the first born of a first born of a first born (you get the picture), t3 didn’t so much rebel against authority as he just assumed it. this was never more obvious than during his first stint leading a revolution of oppressed proletariats. in this particular case, said proletariats were the first grade class at catholic school. news coverage of the event clearly captured that “can-do” look in t3’s eye that still remains today.
his parents made a few missteps early in his development with ill-advised christmas and birthday presents (chemistry sets and such). these led to numerous fires, significant property damage and substantial counseling bills for his neighbors. when asked to recount his proudest moments, t3 is quick to reply, “let me get back to you when the statute of limitations expires.”
without a doubt, t3 lives out his life’s motto every day: “if you’re going to be an obsessive compulsive pyromaniac, you better make sure you wear flame-retardant pajamas.”

maverick (trainer)

sep 18
smirnoff ice
white stripes
(icky thump)
dream race:
rocky mountain slam
(bighorn, hardrock, leadville trail, wasatch front, the bear)
being domiciled with four women and two female dogs, maverick often finds himself treading in a deep, often engulfing estrogen pool. he finds solace in movement and order (some may call this adult attention deficit disorder with a dash of OCD thrown in); a curious unrest he developed and perfected over the years.
it is unclear as to whether this affliction manifested itself while living life as a gypsy when growing up or constantly being “on the run” after innocently discovering himself at odds with “authority figures” and/or his adoring wife.
either way, when maverick’s blood sugar is low and his adrenaline is high, watch your step, hide your children and wife (or at least cover their ears) and do not get your fingers to near his mouth.

weeble (logistics)

apr 29
jo’s pizza
redbull & vodka
george straight
dream race:
hood to coast relay
(with the bros!)
weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. weeble may be balance and gravity challenged, but he always gets his package delivered on time. if it absolutely, positively has to be; then weeble is your man.
it is possible that in a previous life, weeble was a woman. a general predisposition to regurgitation (he throws up like a teenage girl) and a tendency to lift his arms and extend his posterior (he runs like a sissy) has led to considerable speculation. weeble neither confirms nor denies these rumors. whatever the truth behind the myth, weeble is certainly the best team member to have with you on a cold night on the road.
weeble likes to say, “my sport is your sport’s punishment.” but we have seen weeble run, and we say his sport is his punishment.

big (quarter master)

sep 16
bourbon & h20
dream race:
rocky raccoon 100
once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a small boy. this boy lived alone in a small house deep in the forest. one day a beautiful lady came to the woods. the little boy asked the fair maiden where see lived. she replied that she lived in the city, far away. upon hearing this, the little boy packed his &@%$ and moved to the city.
big may be a city boy now, but there is country in his blood. he would rather be on the trail than on the road, but mostly he would rather be in bed. big would give you the shirt off his back (with which you could make a tent and get some much needed rest) and if you searched the whole world (including canada) you could not find a more reliable crew member.
if you ever need someone to rub lotion on you, big is your man.

BFG (morale officer)

may 18
free food
captain & diet coke
(no lime)
(I’m alive)
dream race:
ironman & a cool 100
make no mistake, that is morale (as in happy smiling people) not moral (as in majority.) if you need someone to cheer you up BFG will make you smile, then laugh, then eventually forget whatever you were torqued up about.
BFG is to distance running what the albatross is to flying: gangly, uncoordinated, awkward, big, not-too-bright but happy to be there. as the newest runner on the team, BFG makes up for lack of experience with what appears to be enthusiasm, but is actually obsessive compulsive disorder (not that this makes him unique among the piraña.)
BFG has been mistaken for both tony robbins and jerry seinfeld, but he fails to see the compliment in that. he does have an unusual way of looking at the world (which probably is partly due to the fact that he is looking at it from a lot farther up than the rest of us) and he can find humor in any situation. of course, he is quick to tell you, “i’m not laughing with you, i’m laughing at you.”
BFG’s life motto is: never wrestle with pigs, you both get muddy and the pigs kind of like it

mc luvin (zen master)

dec 3
ahi tuna
house merlot
(my way)
dream race:
anything he gets comped into

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